1. We are involved in assisting people in the most difficult events in their lives; divorce, along with the death of a loved parent or child, is among the most painful event of a human being's life.
2. Divorce lasts longer than any other painful human event as it can last longer than most people desire or understand. Even after the final papers are signed and the ink is dried, it takes time to adjust.
3. Divorce is extraordinarily chaotic so prepare yourself and do not be too harsh on yourself.
4. Human beings, no matter how effective in their jobs, or other aspects of their lives, can operate in a state of confusion during a divorce so try not to be too hard on yourself during this process and that is just what this is, a life changing process.
5. Guidelines, checklists, self-discipline and coaching are all essential contributions to a divorcing person's life. Find support during this time.
6. Individuals going through a divorce usually do not acknowledge the seriousness of the event, or the long-term effect of a divorce. It is important to get feedback from friends and family you trust.
7. Most divorcing parties will have an inability to separate from the person they were married to from the situation they are going through during that time.
8. The confusing matrix of shared events, past sexual intimacy, child birthing, child rearing, goal setting, long-term planning, along with the very same person who is now appearing to be lying, cheating, having selective memory, and attempting to gain an advantage over you is the heart of the problem in processing divorces accurately and expediently.
9. Individuals going through a divorce, no matter how honest in other areas of their life, generally tend to have selective memory, and recall past events in a manner most favorable to their side of the divorce litigation. It is critical to your case to be as honest as possible to your attorney or advocate.
10. Prior loving in-laws often become cold, aloof, distant, and work tirelessly to aid their child or relative. If you have children, you need to think of their needs and their bonds with these relatives and put the childrenŐs needs above your own.
11. Children are severely damaged by the experience of their parents expressing anger, arguing, raising their voice, engaging in substance abuse, promiscuous behavior and sometimes violence, all of which have long term devastating effects on their development as human beings. This is critical to remember.
12. The legal system is not always the best device that to handle the problems. Be open to other avenues of mediation and arbitration to assist you during this process.
13. The soon-to-be-former spouse may exhibit self-interests and selfishness instead of generosity and helpful behavior but do not allow their behavior to affect your own..
14. Most people going through divorce experience denial.
15. Most people going through divorce experience shock.
16. Most people going through divorce experience extreme rage. For, #s 15, 16, and this one you should seek help from a professional to assist you.
17. Your spouse or you may have poor parenting techniques and should be open to learning new methods to assist you and or your spouse in parenting.
18. Because a Dissolution is can be time consuming, it is important to remember that although it may seem that you o longer time in the day to accomplish all the living tasks necessary for successful life management, that it is important to be fully involved in the process as you may regret it later.
19. That there is almost always an anxiety over the issue of not having enough money.
20. The amount of spousal support received will almost always be too small to continue to live in the same style that was available before the divorce so it is important to prepare to have a change of lifestyle.
21. The amount of child support paid is too small to adequately rear the child in the same manner they were accustomed to prior to the divorce. In the same vein, the parent who is paying child support will always feel that the amount is either too much or is not being applied to their child (ren). Unfortunately, it is always too much for the payer in their mind and too little to the parent receiving.
22. The amount of spousal support paid can seem like it will destroy the ability of the paying spouse to have an adequate life. However, more likely than not, such payer will be able to recover and be back on track sooner than you think.
23. The amount of non-deductible child support paid appears to destroys the ability of the paying spouse to put aside for retirement, adequately repair the automobile, gain a living style adequate to compensate for the amount of work necessary and for the time spent earning that money. Again, usually the payer is able to get back on track sooner than you think.
24. Sometimes there has been violent physical abuse. Do not be afraid to report it to someone you trust.
25. Sometimes there has been violent mental abuse. Do not be afraid to report it to someone you trust.
26. Sometimes there has been child neglect. Report, if you feel this is true.
27. Sometimes there has been child sexual abuse. Report, if you feel this may be true.
28. Lawyers affect someone's entire future. It is important you choose a lawyer you trust and feel comfortable with.
29. Many issues which are litigated are done so because of demands by the client, and that these issues may not core issues in the litigation. A lawyer cannot predict or control the actions of your spouse any more than you could during your marriage. It is critical to understand this.
30. The opposing counsel and or spouse will try to destroy your legal position.
31. The opposing counsel and or spouse will try to obscure their legal position.
32. The opposing counsel and or spouse will try to make you quit or settle the case.
33. The judge is not a referee, and can only rule on evidence that is appropriately put in front of him or her.
34. The divorce process is not fair, nor is it designed to be fair. What may seem fair to you may not seem fair to the other side. Fairness is not always what is legal and is difficult at times to understand. With a good advocate, they will assist you in understanding this process.
35. You must have iron discipline to succeed in a divorce.
36. You must try to have 100% emotional control during the divorce because a spouse can take advantage of an emotional outburst to alter custody and support positions.
37. The outcome is uncertain until the divorce judgment is signed and filed. In some cases, such as child support and in a few rare circumstances, a parenting plan, you can modify. But, never settle a case unless you are absolutely sure you can live with the full outcome.
38. Remember this is your divorce, your case and your life.
39. Remember to make decisions not based on your needs if you have children, but based on what is best for them.
40. Children have an absolute right to love both parents regardless.
41. Children have an absolute right to be as much as possible with both parents.
42. Children should be the most important part of any dissolution and their needs should be first and foremost.
43. The court will hold the childrenŐs needs differently than what you may expect, so be prepared to listen and learn.
44. The experience of your lawyers makes a massive difference in the outcome of your divorce. But the character, integrity and ethical behavior of your lawyer will help you further than their experience.